Getting what you want from others is important in all successful relationships. My suggestion is that you deliver value first. I call thisMaking Relationship Bank Deposits.
Relationship Bank Deposits
You’ll find, is one of the important elements of building and developing successful relationships. Interestingly enough, too many folks want to make relationship bank withdrawals before they make deposits. I realize that this is of course, not you, however it is something important to watch in nurturing long-term relationships. Following the age-old idea of giving first and receiving later (I know, instant gratification is today’s standard for so many), allows you to bank some relationship points for a relationship rainy day. This idea is crucial because you know that there will be conflict some time down the road.
Living In a Glass House
I have found it to be true in my relationship with my wife of 35 years, Regina, that when I give first (living in a glass house, I admit my imperfection here) she responds quite well. It is human nature to be appreciative when another does something–providing that the something is considered to be valuable by the receiver of the value.
Talking to the guys briefly; women are wired to nurture. As such they tend not to ask for what they need as much as they perhaps should–not as much as guys generally do. So your assignment is to preempt the situation by doing things for them they would not normally expect of you–thereby making an unrestricted Relationship Bank Deposit. Unrestricted simply means, no strings attached–you did something nice without immediately expecting something in return.
Ladies, your job is to not read anything into these acts of kindness; but to just accept and enjoy–difficult as it is. For women this is not always easy as women are quite used to the male/female quid pro quo of…dinner for bedding. Ladies, in order to break this cycle, please do not hint…just tell ’em what you want.
Value In Your Life
For everyone…here is where this idea creates value for your life. Just do nice things for others and it will come back to you–somewhere or time when you least expect it. And do lots of nice things for the person with whom you enjoy a romantic relationship. Just do this and I guarantee your relationship will be even better than it is now. And if your relationship is a bit on the rocks, allow some time for theRelationship Bank Deposits to work. I wish you wonderful loving…
Ed is the Founder and CEO of the 501(c)(3) non-profit public charity, Cigar PEG Philanthropy through Fun, and president at Rigsbee Research which conducts qualitative member ROI research and consulting for associations and societies. He has been called “the dynamite that broke up our log jam” by association executives—rarely politically correct and almost always provocative—and from a dozen years as a United States Soccer Federation referee, Ed calls it the way he sees it. Exceptional resources at www.rigsbee.com.