Speak to Be Understood In Your Relationships (560 words)
Are You Oblivious to the Clues?
One of my favorite cartoons says it all. Visualize this: the husband, with kind of a duh look on his face coming home, as he opens the door to enter–a spear slams into the door. The caption reads, “While he though their argument was settled at breakfast, Jim sensed that Sally had some unresolved issues.”
Honestly, don’t you feel this way about your sweetie sometimes? Sure you do. So what’s a person to do–give up? Let’s face it, you really do know if your communication is being received–it’s just easier to stay in your comfort zone and be oblivious. And yes, this goes for both guys & gals alike.
What Are You Really Trying To Say?
Communication is an interesting phenomenon, there is the sender and there is the receiver–and rarely does the exact message sent get received in accordance with the sender. Nothing new here–sure, I know. However, the real issue is do you give a rat’s behind about the other? If you do, you’ll go to the effort to get them to feed back what you sent so you can determine if the message was received anywhere close to what was intended.
In today’s hurry, hurry, hurry, world–communication truly suffers. Decide to be part of the solution rather than the problem and take the time to be certain of how your communication is received–otherwise you’ll be like Jim in the cartoon with the duh look on your face, never quite understanding why your sweetie is ticked off.
Need That Loving Feeling?
You know that you need that loving feeling, but…why aren’t you getting it? Perhaps it is because you are only putting out what you want? There is more to the world than…just getting what you want. What about your partner?
Receive What You Send
Come on, let’s be honest with one another…can we? If you treat your partner like crap, what do you expect? But you say, “I’m treating my partner great!” Are you? Your partner’s perception is his or her reality. If you are doing things for them (making relationship bank deposits) that they do not see as useful or valuable–guess what? They’re not! If you do something for another person that you might like them to do for you; that’s nice. But the act is of very little value, if any, to the receiving person. Why? Because you are not doing for them, something that they value. And then you get all pissed off because they are not appreciative of your gesture. Wow, what did you expect?
Ask First, Do Second
Yep, ask your partner what they need, and/or hold as being valuable. Then do that, not what you have been doing. It is simple as that–trust me. But wait! You still think they really like what you like–you’ve got to get a clue. Their perception is their reality, and there is no way that you will change their reality following your current course. Better, work to develop strategies and tactics that will allow your partner to reveal to you what it is that they really want. Think about it–you have nothing lose.
It is all about communication–speaking to be understood and understanding what has been said. Wishing you all the best in getting that loving feeling…
Ed is the Founder and CEO of the 501(c)(3) non-profit public charity, Cigar PEG Philanthropy through Fun, and president at Rigsbee Research which conducts qualitative member ROI research and consulting for associations and societies. He has been called “the dynamite that broke up our log jam” by association executives—rarely politically correct and almost always provocative—and from a dozen years as a United States Soccer Federation referee, Ed calls it the way he sees it. Exceptional resources at www.rigsbee.com.